DA Snippets: AZ
by ackles-shackles
Summary: Basically some DA snippets from A to Z. Mostly Max and Alec but other characters as well.


Disclaimer: Obviously don't own anything, if I did the damn show would never have ended.

Summary: Basically some dark angel by the alphabet. Mostly M/A

DARK ANGEL: From A to Z

_Acting_

You're the best actor you've ever seen. You could probably make a killing if you wanted to.

You've gotten so good it's hard to tell when its an act and when its not. Sometimes that smirk really does belong to you and your laugh is full and real but other times it's all just a show.

So they don't see the truth, that you're not really that sure of yourself and you're not hurting and not just a broken soldier.

You've heard that normal soldiers aren't the same when they come back from war, that what they see changes them and that some never really come back, that their mind will always be in the battles.

It never used to be an act. That blank mask wasn't to hide anything, it was just indifference. Its not that your brain wasn't working, just that there weren't emotions involved, no conscience. It was easier.

Sometimes you have to marvel at your own talent for the job and wonder how the others can't see straight through you. The Ordinaries, well that was understandable but the others, especially her, she should see, she should understand, but she doesn't.

It's probably because she's too busy working on her own mask. It doesn't work, the mask is a failure, it doesn't hide anything.

Although maybe it's not a show for others but just for herself. So she can pretend she's normal that she's not a different not a freak. She's spent too long trying to run from herself. She should be proud to be a freak, it's not something to be ignored, it's a part of who she is, makes her who she is.

But you should have realized that she did understand. Maybe you such a good actor because she saw right through, she was just pretending. But maybe you were because no-one else seemed to notice, just her.

She knew that you hid inside yourself, that there was a past you didn't want to face and that a part of you was dying because of it.

She knew that you weren't always alright, that you were a liar.

And you should have realized that she was acting too. You thought you had seen through the mask. What you didn't realize was that that was the mask. That she let people see a part of her so that they didn't look any deeper.

She used her anger to hide to keep people at a distance and to bury her emotions. What you never noticed was that she hid so much more than that. You thought you were unsure of yourself but that paled in significance to what Max felt. In her very core she actually believed what that bitch Renfro had said, at least on some level. She believed she was poison.

You never realised that that was why she tried she hard to protect the others, why she took so much on herself and why quite frankly she was such a controlling bitch sometimes. She believed that everything bad that happened around her was her fault.

That she was responsible for those who died in the escape such as Eva, and for those who had been hurt since, Tinga, Logan, Original Cindy and Zack. She had failed them. But it was Ben who she had failed the most, Ben who still haunted her dreams.

You now understand her as she always understood you. She was running from Manticore and from herself, that in her eyes they had become the same. Her greatest fear was that she had finally become everything they had been designed to be, a soldier…a hunter…a killer.

When she had asked about life in Manticore, you had told her that she couldn't understand that she wasn't there and you were right, she couldn't but then neither could you. You couldn't understand what it was like to grow up in her life.

You believed that it had been easier on the outside, she at least had been able to make her own decisions, what you didn't understand was that that meant living with them.

She was always the better actor. You should have guessed, after all she had 10 years on you.

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